I was on my way home this afternoon, and the traffic around Coulsdon on the A23 had ground to a complete halt, so I filtered past about a mile of stationary cages to find a car (VW Golf I think) on it's roof on the opposite side of the road about half a mile past Coulsdon railway station, and a Gatso plus a lamp post, both former occupants of a traffic island in the middle of the road, laying down for a little rest amid a mass of broken plastic, glass and twisted bits of metal all over the road. I was going to filter past and carry on, but just as I was approaching, a dodgy looking bloke scuttled out of a transit van and grabbed a briefcase out of the rear side window of the wrecked motor and started to scuttle away again, so I pulled over and accelerated towards him, braked to a halt, and with an outstretched finger aimed at him, I yelled "Oi! I Fucking SAW that!" before leaping off the bike and stalking towards him - the effect only spoiled by the fact that I forgot to unplug my heated waistcoat first... turns out he had the young woman driver in the front of his van after helping her to crawl out of the wreckage and she'd asked him to rescue her briefcase for her, so I ended up apologising profusely anyway and telling the bloke where he was so he could give the fire brigade directions...

The driver looked well shook up and had a few cuts and bruises but seemed more or less OK, considering that she had managed to barrel roll her car with such energy that the drivers side roof had completely collapsed. The airbag must have gone off at the first impact - if it had deployed after the roof had been crushed then there would have been nowhere for her head to go except 'splat'. The van driver said she 'just drifted off the road' but I heard her gibbering into her mobile in the background to presumably her partner saying something about 'locking up' or 'looking up'. I guess hitting a Gatso is infinitely better than ploughing into the oncoming, whether the cause was locking the brakes or trying to look at an A-Z; if the Gatso hadn't been there, that's what she would have done - proving that they do contribute to road safety after all! She was in forty limit where everybody drives at 50 anyway, although they usually brake for the gatsos - I wonder if she locked it up trying to get down to 40?

When I passed the car en-route back to my bike, the engine was smoking ominously, the stereo was still playing so the ignition was still on and I couldn't get my hand in to the shattered drivers window to turn it off due to the apperture being completely crushed closed. Fortunately the fire brigade, police and ambulance all turned up from different directions within no more than twenty seconds of each other, so I buggered off before I could get in their way…

Ken Haylock [Sprint ST + 250 Wetdream Rat]