MEET UNCLE REG

We used to say
On Christmas day
We’d all be making songs
Or finding other words
And everyone would sing along.

The family’s up
And on the road;
My hair is growing thin;
Too many Christmas times,
Long lost relations with the wind.

Meet Uncle Reg;
We’re gonna meet Uncle Reg;
When the tree is up I’m gonna see all my friends;
Meet Uncle Reg
We’re gonna meet Uncle Reg
Yes, and Auntie Enid; they’ll all come round again

On Christmas Eve
I’m all alone
But that’s the only way to be;
Here’s Nev and Lance again
And God knows who with Auntie Fi.

Meet Uncle Reg
We’re gonna meet Uncle Reg
When the tree is up I’m gonna see all my friends;
Meet Uncle Reg
We’re gonna meet Uncle Reg
Yes, and Auntie Enid; they’ll all come round again

Published in '101 Damnations'

And now one of Mr Barker's serious ones:

HOME FIT FOR HEROES

They died in their millions,
Young men at the Somme,
And with them died their dreams
For the world they'd come from;
A dream of basic freedoms,
And for that they gave their lives;
Now all that's left are widows
Wondering when it all arrives.

Here's your home fit for heroes;
Here's your brand new dawn,
If you make it through the winter,
If you wrap up warm.

Heat and light and comfort,
Security and health;
All will be provided
If you pay for it yourself.
It's a warm and a caring country
If your purse is always full;
If the war left you a widow,
Better buy yourself some wool.

Here's your home fit for heroes;
Here's your brand new dawn,
If you make it through the winter,
If you wrap up warm.

Your husband died for freedom,
A fine and worthy cause.
He may have paid for our today
But we won't pay for yours.
If you're old and ailing,
Plan your ailments in advance;
If you can't afford 'em
Then you haven't got a chance.

Here's your home fit for heroes;
Here's your brand new dawn,
If you make it through the winter,
If you wrap up warm.

Where are your share options
And your directorships?
If you're not on the gravy train
Then you have had your chips;
Nothing in your pocket
And nothing in your purse?
You could sell the family jewels
If we hadn't sold 'em first.

Here's your home fit for heroes;
Here's your brand new dawn,
If you make it through the winter,
If you wrap up warm.

It's just your misfortune
Your husband can't provide;
He might have made a living
If he hadn't gone and died.
Knit yourself some mittens
And knit yourself some socks;
Save up for your funeral
'Cos we won't buy the box.

Here's your home fit for heroes;
Here's your brand new dawn,
If you make it through the winter,
If you wrap up warm.

Published in 'King Charles Spaniel'

Recorded by Norma Waterson on 'Some Love'
(Mrs Ackroyd Records DOG 009)
Recorded by Cockersdale on 'Wide Open Skies'
(Fellside FECD123)

a cherdd Cymraeg.....

Nid wy’n gofyn bywyd moethus
Aur y byd na’i berlau mân;
' Mhroblem ydy, yn anffodus,
Os dw i'n onest, calon wan.

Calon wan; dw i'n llawn tabledi
Aspirin am byth, di-os;
Mwy ohonyn medrech gredu
Gyda'r dydd a gyda'r nos.

Ni ddymunwn olud bydol,
Caniateir dewis y bydd
Ramipril a Bisoprodol,
Cymerir bythol bob dydd.

Calon wan; dw i'n llawn tabledi
Aspirin am byth, di-os;
Mwy ohonyn medrech gredu
Gyda'r dydd a gyda'r nos.

Glas y bore fel aderyn
Esgyn poen ar draws y wawr;
Pam rhoir imi warfarin,
Peth sy'n lladd y llygod mawr?.

Calon wan; dw i'n llawn tabledi
Aspirin am byth, di-os;
Mwy ohonyn medrech gredu
Gyda'r dydd a gyda'r nos.

Last updated: August 14, 2008